3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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