I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
operation have a gay friend backfired
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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