i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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