Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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