so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
