We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
