i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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