Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
