So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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