my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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