i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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