remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
