I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
