I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pooping to opera.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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