Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
