no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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