Buhtt sex?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize