Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
