I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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