Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
