i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
