I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
