How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
