So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
