she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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