I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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