thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
