quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
