The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
