that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
