Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
