come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
