WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
