Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
