my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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