yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
