He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
