Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
