So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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