so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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