Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize