Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
