Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
