How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
MIDGETS
????
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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