somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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