I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
