some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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