Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
