Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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