My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
