I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
