so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
