im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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