hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So many bounce houses so little time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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