I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
