Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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