I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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