She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize