I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
