I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
