Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
