if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
