Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
