Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's get the cat blown out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
