So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
