i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize