enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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