And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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