I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
