The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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