Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
