Say something about gay babies.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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