Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
