Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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