you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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