im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
